Everyone has Neptune in their astrological birth charts, but not everyone is predisposed to having Neptune relationships. There are certain people, like myself, who have strong Neptune/Pisces connections in relationships, such as Venus in Pisces, Neptune in the 7th house, Pisces on the Descendant, Neptune in Libra and Neptune aspecting Venus. Those in this group tend to attract Neptune relationships most of the time, while everyone else will have a Neptune relationship maybe once or twice in a lifetime. So, we almost all get one sooner or later. And every year we have a Neptune period where we could potentially fall in love, which by default would make this a Neptune relationship.
And when you look at your spreads carefully, you will discover that there are many cards with whom you could have a Neptune relationship. First there is your direct Neptune card in your Life and Spiritual Spreads, and then the same from your Planetary Ruling Card. That gives four right off the top. But when you get into Karma Cards, you can end up with six or more cards whom would be Neptune to you. And if you were attracted into a relationship with them, you would be having one of these Neptune relationships. The point is, it is good for all of us to have a deeper understanding of Neptune when it comes to relationships. Sooner or later you will learn this lesson, the lesson that Neptune has to teach us.
The planet Venus, which naturally governs the 7th house in astrology, is considered the relationship planet in our chart. Venus is exalted in the sign of Pisces, which is governed by Neptune. This means that Venus, the love planet, finds it highest expression in Pisces, which equates to sacrificial love. This is love that would sacrifice the individual for the other. This is Christ-love as Jesus sacrificed himself to love humanity. So, built into Venus is this desire for its highest expression, the love that would have someone give whatever is required of love, even to the point of dying to save another. This is all and good. And it would seem that a Neptune relationship could be the very best that one could have. But most Neptune relationships play out a little different. As a matter of fact, Neptune relationships usually end up in disaster, which is the opposite that one would expect. And herein lies the point of this article.
Neptune is connected to past lives, psychic phenomena, death, the oceans, drugs, escapism, fantasy, and dreams. Just look at the Neptune/Neptune card in the deck, the Queen of Hearts. She is the most dreamy, fantasy prone card in the deck. But she is also the icon of the woman that every man dreams about. You might notice how often the word dream comes up when talking about Neptune and the Queen of Hearts. Dream is a big word in Neptune relationships. Expressions like, “the man of my dreams” or “the woman of my dreams” is quite appropriate. Not every Neptune person we meet will be the person of our dreams, but the significant ones will. That person will show up as either the answer to a prayer, or someone you met in a dream beforehand, or someone that a psychic said you would meet, etc. It will have that fantastic fantasy attached to it, making it highly desirable, at least from our point of view. But the person that is your Neptune card may not see you, or your relationship with him or her in the same way at all. If someone is your Neptune card, you are the one having this fantastic experience. It may not be shared at all, even though you might, with all of the intensity of this dream, project onto your partner that they feel the same way as you. This is one of the classic mistakes made in a Neptune relationship.
When we meet our Neptune card, we have a high chance of projecting some fantasy or dream of ours onto them. Somehow, their presence in our life is reminding us so clearly of a dream that was left unfulfilled. We are stunned to have this dream finally coming to pass. In fact, that person may only hold one or two of many facets that are part of that dream. But because they do, on some level, fulfill those one or two parts of the dream, we give them credit for all of it. And we go on, acting like we have finally reached the conclusion to our life long story, at least as far as finding the perfect partner goes. We can stop looking. The universe has graciously provided the person we have been waiting for our entire life. This experience can be likened to taking a powerful drug. We get so high from this that we feel like we may be dreaming. We might ask ourselves, ‘how do I deserve to have such a wonderful experience of love?’ We have these fantastic feelings for the other and for their being in our life, feelings we somehow knew were possible but ones that we never experienced. There is a deep sense of fulfillment in this experience.
And the other facet of Neptune relationships is that this love we will feel for another can last longer than any others. We may love this person, in just this way, for our entire life. This is why I have said many times in my classes that a little Neptune in a relationship has the benefit of a sustained feeling of romance, one that can actually span lifetimes. And all of us, on some level, are seeking that kind of love in our lives. A love that goes beyond even one lifetime, one that is timeless and infinite in nature. So, Neptune’s romantic feelings can continue, for years and years, even if the person is not a part of your life at all for decades.
This is all well and good. However, there is another facet of Neptune relationships that display a different dynamic that is happening at the same time, one that is the most commonplace, and one that dooms the relationship from the start. And that is the deception it entails. Pisces rules the last house in the zodiac, often referred to as the ‘hidden house.’ Similarly, Neptune relationships usually have a hidden aspect that destroys the relationship in the end. One possible way this can happen is that the person that is your Neptune card may choose to deceive you. Their motives in the relationship can be hidden from your view altogether, until one day, it all becomes clear and they break your dream, and your heart. It is very easy to deceive someone who you are Neptune to. They are so high on your just being with them and watching their dream unfold that you can get away with a lot. A person who is less than honest can, and often will, take advantage of this situation. They can act like they are the person in your dream just enough to hook you, which doesn’t actually take that much since you are sort of high on drugs about them. They can play into your fantasy, which is not such a bad thing for them since you have them on a high pedestal. However, in playing into your dream, they may feel that they have to give up being who they really are, and eventually they may just rebel out of the fantasy and claim their true nature, all of which will come as a complete shock to you. The Neptune person can feel that you do not know them at all, that you can’t see beyond your expectations of what they should or should not be. And you can imagine being on that side of the equation. It doesn’t feel like they are being loved for who they are, but only for what you want them to be. Herein lies a huge problem, which usually destroys the relationship.
The other and just as common expression involves the dream itself. Often the dream of the person who is with their Neptune card is very beautiful and grand, but what is not seen is that the motive for this dream lies in a huge inner hole or gap inside the person. There can often be this deep sense of worthlessness, or lack of self-love, that is being masked by this grand dream of love fulfilled. The person with the dream has some deep seated problems with themselves. This was true for me in one of my significant Neptune relationships. It took me seven years after we had completely broken up to realize why I had become so fixated on her. I realized after such a long time, that being with her made me feel better about myself, which lead me to the discovery that I actually didn’t feel good about myself. I was basically using her to elevate my own sense of self. When I finally woke up to that truth, I was able to face the real problem – my lack of self-respect and self-love. Once that truth was realized, my longings for her disappeared instantly, and forever. And I think this is the biggest aspect of Neptune relationships that we need to understand – that this desire for such a fantasy person in our life may be rooted in a lack of self-love, self-value, or self-respect. If we can take a minute to look deep into our feelings, we can discover if there is such a lack inside and then address that directly instead of having to involve someone else that we really cannot see truly. Once we have addressed our own inner need for love, and respect, etc., we may or may not even be attracted to that other person. Without that need to get our hole filled, we may be able to see them more clearly as they are and in that realize whether or not they actually would make a good partnership with us. It is the breaking out of the dream and stepping into the light of truth that we free ourselves from Neptune’s delusion. But we must be willing to look at ourselves first, honestly and lovingly, to see what is going on. Many dreams can be fabricated from an inner sense of incompleteness. But much of that incompleteness can only be filled by us, not by another. So, if we examine our dreams, Neptune can be used to lead us back to the truth, the truth about ourselves, where we actually can make dreams come true.